In this hilarious episode, we catch up with Jesse and Jimmy as they dive headfirst into their 30s. While Jimmy starts the decade by getting married and having a kid, things quickly take a turn as he finds himself facing a divorce.
Meanwhile, Jesse is content to sit back and observe from the sidelines, sharing his hilarious and unfiltered thoughts on the joys (and horrors) of childbirth.
As they swap stories and share their unique perspectives, we get an entertaining and insightful glimpse into the ups and downs of life in your 30s. From navigating the complexities of relationships to dealing with the challenges of parenthood, Jesse and Jimmy tackle it all with their trademark humor and wit. (Even with Jimmy sneaking in a fart)
So join us for this laugh-out-loud episode as we explore the hilarious and sometimes messy realities of life in your 30s. Whether you're a seasoned pro or just starting out on your own journey, there's something here for everyone. Don't miss it! It's dope!
If you've want a topic covered in the show, send us a line! dadzruspodcast@gmail.com or visit us on all your favorite social platforms.
In this hilarious episode, we catch up with Jesse and Jimmy as they dive headfirst into their 30s. While Jimmy starts the decade by getting married and having a kid, things quickly take a turn as he finds himself facing a divorce.
Meanwhile, Jesse is content to sit back and observe from the sidelines, sharing his hilarious and unfiltered thoughts on the joys (and horrors) of childbirth.
As they swap stories and share their unique perspectives, we get an entertaining and insightful glimpse into the ups and downs of life in your 30s. From navigating the complexities of relationships to dealing with the challenges of parenthood, Jesse and Jimmy tackle it all with their trademark humor and wit. (Even with Jimmy sneaking in a fart)
So join us for this laugh-out-loud episode as we explore the hilarious and sometimes messy realities of life in your 30s. Whether you're a seasoned pro or just starting out on your own journey, there's something here for everyone. Don't miss it! It's dope!
If you've want a topic covered in the show, send us a line! dadzruspodcast@gmail.com or visit us on all your favorite social platforms.
S1E3
U1
0:00
In this episode, we discover that childbirth is horrifying. Naming kids is hard, and Jimmy tries to get away with a fart around the five minute mark. Hey
U2
0:09
hey hey, welcome back to Dads Are Us, where we take you through life's challenges as dads in this world. Whether you're married, single or divorced. I'm Jimmy, and I'm here with Jesse.
U1
0:24
Yeah, I'll tell you if the dads are us. It's still funny how that came about. Because if our kids listen to this, they're like, that's a dumb title. My kids grew up without toys R us, Ryan.
U3
0:37
Shane. But this is where
U1
0:39
dads could be. Dads. Well, we just
U3
0:41
we just actually visited toys R us. We
U2
0:44
went to the night, it was gone. Now we can go do it. They're everywhere in Canada.
U1
0:49
Like a better exchange rate, as you know, just to go to toys R
U3
0:53
us. I will be now. I'm not enlightened if I can go back. Didn't get that speeding ticket which haven't paid you.
U1
1:01
Don't worry. It's like 2s they forgot those. It's been a hot minute. Yeah,
U3
1:07
yeah, it was still loonies and to me. So they got two Nismo ones
U1
1:12
for $2.
U2
1:13
Yeah. Not like the $2 bill here
U3
1:16
though. Inflation. Yeah thanks, Obama. Jimmy, want
U1
1:20
to hear about your 30s man. Well told
U2
1:22
everyone about how 20s
U1
1:24
life got real for you in your 30s. Yeah.
U2
1:26
Like life. My 30s were life changing, to say the least. Met my ex-wife in our 20s. We we dated for probably six years before we actually got married.
U3
1:39
Real? Yeah.
U2
1:41
Yeah. Dated for
U1
1:42
ten months. Light it. Why don't you date for six years and not get married sooner? I don't know, I'm sure you got your reasons, but that's a long time. Because
U2
1:51
she worked where I work. So
U3
1:53
what's that mean, a bad like? Does that mean you can't get married? You can't marry a coworker. You can only date. No,
U2
1:58
we don't. Anything. That is not if you're the manager.
U3
2:02
Okay? She was. She
U1
2:04
was. She was up in the boss man and boy. You're telling me, man.
U3
2:07
Oh, maybe
U1
2:08
the military. Oh, no. You kept it all
U3
2:11
friendly, friendly. Happy
U1
2:13
landing yourself from very friendly undercovers. Guess best. That does sound like the military. I mean, we got a word
U3
2:20
for that. While fat and
U1
2:22
fraternization.
U3
2:23
Yeah. Still happens. Heart wants with the heart
U2
2:26
wants, man. Yeah, we're the wiener.
U3
2:30
That's. 1s I'm
U1
2:31
like, don't think that's like, in this day and age there's a power
U3
2:36
differential. There is. You take advantage of your employee. That's horrible. Come on.
U2
2:42
Don't. Let's not even go there. I'm sorry. Yeah. No no no no no,
U1
2:46
that's not it.
U3
2:48
So, so. So what happens when you show up one day to work? You're like, guess what, guys? We're married and like everybody. She. Yeah. She
U2
2:56
quit before. Before
U1
2:58
we got married. Did you work out rules on dating plays
U3
3:01
like that on a. Yeah.
U1
3:02
This is all new to me. You go
U3
3:04
to H.R. and supposed to tell them. Don't remember if I did or not. Yeah.
U1
3:08
Guess you'll be
U2
3:10
a little late now, but. So we got we got, uh, found out she was
U3
3:14
pregnant. So wanted to do the right thing and
U2
3:18
proposed. We got married. We went to, uh, we got married in Toledo. Was just a shotgun, you know, she was still pregnant. And our plan was a reception and a honeymoon when we got back, but
U3
3:29
that we had
U2
3:31
a kid. And
U1
3:32
let me ask you this, because I've heard this a lot through my friends. No, man, we just get married on
U3
3:37
paper, you know? It's just just a license. We do a giant wedding later down the road, a big party, and
U1
3:44
they all say they're going to do that.
U3
3:46
But again, good
U1
3:47
ideas are just good ideas until you act on it. I've always seen that actually follow through a few times. People actually do celebrate
U2
3:53
later. Well think what happens is like that, you know, like you get married and you're the only one working, which I'm sure you know what that feels like
U3
4:02
earlier in life. And
U2
4:04
I know because you got married probably ten years, 13 years before did so
U1
4:09
last 21. You got married when you're 36? No. Like 15?
U2
4:13
No, I was 34.
U1
4:15
Yeah. We're better than that too. It's like, oh yes,
U2
4:17
around there, around there, whatever. So that
U3
4:21
hurdle like
U2
4:23
I'm not used to does, does get the United number in my knee.
U3
4:30
I'm 1s not.
U1
4:32
I'm not calling that, you know? It's just for the Londoners out there. Thought
U2
4:37
they were out. Maybe we're headed up there. Everyone can hear there now. No rules.
U1
4:45
Unless you thought you'd 2s like to
U2
4:48
at least do it in the first day.
U3
4:51
Okay, so that's fair point. That's fair point. I'd keep you around. I this is why I can't have my dog in my office, man. I can't
U2
5:00
yeah, you can't blame him for farting.
U3
5:02
All right, so just just for reference, I, I
U1
5:06
didn't want to do the if going back. I wish it would just just as a piece of paper. Same ton of money get
U3
5:13
light hit life goal. But no man works to pay for a wedding.
U1
5:18
Rings, dress all this stuff. You know me throwing all the other my reception VFW. They provided a bartender. Heard everybody got beers for $0.75.
U3
5:29
A lot cheaper in Montana. You know, back
U2
5:32
in the day. Think.
U1
5:34
Yeah. Just. Yeah. He goes, I'll just play some. I'll just play some CDs. You know, in court. We'll do it at wedding reception is like everybody is like, oh
U3
5:42
man, there's no
U1
5:43
way that Sam is going to make this
U3
5:45
work. There are literally we walk up the tables, they're literally balding and danced
U1
5:49
by marriage. Man. I'm like,
U3
5:51
not fun though. Did
U2
5:52
you get a proportion each year that it survived or or is that still wrong? No
U1
5:59
it's not. It's like a gentleman's bet, you know, talk
U3
6:01
shit. That's what the boys
U1
6:03
did, man. We talk a lot of smack. I'll tell you this, though. Just after the first that reception, even though it was a modest means, it was still a great time.
U3
6:14
Now her dad. Yeah. And get in me. He
U1
6:17
kept slipping me all these shots, you know, it wasn't good shots. It was like no
U3
6:21
shots. Liquor was like
U1
6:22
peppermint schnapps. You know, julep, he was like. It was not like, good. And I'm just like, fine,
U3
6:29
here we go. I'm just drinking back shots.
U1
6:32
Well before the end of the reception. I'm in
U3
6:36
the bathroom just throwing up and then come out. There's my friends. They know what's going on. They know I'm getting sick and you know, my wife's pregnant, you know, so she's not drinking, right? And everybody starts tapping. I don't know what kind of, you know, don't know tradition.
U1
6:53
When you start tapping your glass with
U3
6:55
the fork, you know, get the groom and the bride to kiss, you know, like, who gets crap?
U1
7:00
I don't want to see. You don't want to go to a wedding. Have a good time. I want to see your kiss. Really, really. Key. Tap in the, you know, the glass before. And so I
U3
7:09
go ahead and kiss my wife. And she was I don't know
U1
7:11
I don't know what it is. She's like something
U2
7:13
smells like, you know, she had no
U3
7:16
idea. So 1s I
U2
7:18
thought that was how bad I've got to like you should have. Yeah. Should have been spray.
U3
7:25
It should have cherry flavored some gum. Reach you the kid? Yeah. So, you know, fast forward, we didn't have a honeymoon. I just got a
U1
7:35
great falls, had this thing called, like, themed hotel
U3
7:38
rooms, like, you know,
U1
7:40
the Love Motel. So the room. You know what we call that around here?
U3
7:44
Don't know, though. We call it
U2
7:46
the Oasis Hot Tub Club
U3
7:49
event. The actual
U1
7:51
exists. 1s I believe you're single, Jimmy. It's shocking to me.
U2
7:57
Well, it's been there in 20 years. I'm just serious. You been there?
U3
8:02
I'm like you. You never went there. Oh, no. You've been out of when you were only. Do you go out and do you think of Sea World? You can visit Tokyo, China
U2
8:12
and Russia all in one day if you are, dude.
U1
8:16
Oh, it's like the center.
U3
8:18
It is here just with the hot dog that probably never been cleaned. Oh, didn't think about it. So?
U1
8:25
So my room did have a hot
U3
8:26
tub, but it was the room.
U1
8:28
So we walk in, we can
U2
8:31
see the heart shaped bed. That's
U1
8:32
fun. Okay, the tub was heart
U3
8:34
shaped. The boat. The boat that.
U2
8:36
Oh, that was a boat.
U1
8:39
Yes, it was a speedboat, but it
U2
8:41
gets worse. Hey, was the room service coming from the. It
U1
8:47
was like. It seemed very exotic and tropical for Great Falls, Montana. Now, granted, this is Thanksgiving week. You're all here. Whatever. Here's the deal.
U3
8:55
We go in
U1
8:56
on the hot tub. You know, I'm going to start filling it up. And it's not a tub faucet. It's like a sink faucet. It literally took two hours for this thing to fill up the boat. That was a bed. It was a water bed. It's a speedboat. Was.
U2
9:10
Well, when your wife got on the bed, you like. Now we got that. We got two guys in the boat.
U3
9:17
We didn't know.
U1
9:20
That she was having a boy or a
U3
9:22
girl. Look, I'll
U1
9:23
tell you what, Ingrid. You didn't get that job, didn't you? The male did not want to talk. The man in the boat. Oh, you got to explain what the man in the boat is. When it comes to a woman. Probably. I'm not as cool
U2
9:35
as you like. Watch the camera. What's the clip? It ran in the boat, guy. You've literally never heard. You never heard about the man? Oh,
U3
9:46
no.
U1
9:47
You're weird as hell. So anyways. So here. I'm drunk. Could barely make it to this
U3
9:52
hotel room. And
U1
9:54
Johnny's, like, bring all the wedding gifts in, you know, from the car she had
U3
9:58
to drive. You know, she's trying to drive in bad weather with a giant wedding dress she had, like, for tempo, so, you know, go out there and
U1
10:05
didn't bring a whole lot of change of
U3
10:07
clothes. So I'm like,
U1
10:09
you know, my, my, my, my military uniform.
U3
10:12
I'm wearing her winter
U1
10:14
coat. I'm bringing all this stuff in. Wait two hours for a hot tub
U2
10:16
to fill up all my friends. All my friends
U1
10:21
kept calling the hotel room like
U2
10:22
everybody was around. Friends. Yeah, they're like me. The morning during the water. They're
U1
10:27
column patrol is like, hey, I'm hungry. Granted, you know, she's, you know, two months pregnant. Whatever. Go next door to the gas station. But, you know, I'm wearing my dress shoes, jeans, you know, had a white t shirt. I'm wearing her winter coat. And then this gas station got. And I was like, hey, I was like, I just
U3
10:45
got married. I need some
U1
10:46
food. I'm still hammered, right? So get a little food. And in this, like, teenage girl behind the
U3
10:53
counter, she
U1
10:54
goes, you know what? Since you married, we threw a couple root beer floats. Where you
U3
10:57
free? Like he's
U1
10:59
going? Yeah, next door to the
U3
11:01
glove room. And I'm like, hey, that's a that's a masculine, you know, root beer float. They think like wouldn't buy if you didn't pass out. Could even be my marriage was pass out
U1
11:12
and she had to tell the front desk to basically turn the phones off at 2 a.m. because all my
U3
11:17
friends kept calling. Why
U2
11:19
didn't she just take it off the hook? Why get the hotel?
U1
11:22
Well, she didn't want
U3
11:23
the the the front desk to come down and say, hey, you have an urgent message because they're coming out of the woodworks.
U1
11:29
Right. It's an emergency. It's. But instead, you know, maybe it and, you know, answer the phone and they're like, hey, man, you. You're not naked yet. And I'm like, just hung up. They're messaging me the next morning, and
U3
11:43
next morning I wake up, you know, hungover, trying to
U1
11:46
wheel myself out of this
U3
11:47
boat room. The Love boat. And Joni's going through the wedding gifts, and it turns out I brought in the tire iron. I cleaned out the glovebox. I was like, why is all
U1
11:57
the insurance papers in here? Like what? She said? Empty. They
U3
12:00
are empty. That car. Oh man. While you wait week later, man, we left. And yeah. You think they're all good now? Yeah. So tell you what,
U1
12:10
it was good, man. They got got the lighter on. We started having the babies. Did you get to have a lot of say in picking your kids
U3
12:17
name? Well,
U2
12:19
kind of mean we had because we didn't know if we were having a boy or girl
U3
12:23
at 1s all. The middle name was going to be based on, like, if I had a if we had a girl. Her middle name was going to be my great grandmother. Emma
U2
12:33
was gonna be her middle aged. So when we had a boy, we took her grandfather's
U3
12:39
name. Kenneth
U2
12:40
was my son was Connor Kenneth. And don't know how. I don't actually remember how we agreed on Calvin that she didn't want a name. And last one say, was
U3
12:51
Grayson. I could be wrong, but I had a friend who had a my, you know, still all the way through.
U2
12:59
And that's what they were going to name the kid and out of respect at the time, didn't name us after that. Just was, you know, plus Lawson and Grace and like, don't like the song and song didn't like that. So I'll get that encounter. Or
U3
13:15
is that the society didn't name my kid Stalin either. So would it be weird? Okay, have full disclosure. Ever since I was a young kid, I already had my kids names picked out.
U1
13:27
You think that's weird nowadays?
U2
13:28
Well, how young are you talking?
U3
13:30
Maybe 12.
U1
13:32
No, no wonder why you married your first girlfriend. Pretty much
U3
13:36
so. Well,
U1
13:37
here's the deal.
U3
13:39
You know,
U1
13:40
my parents had friends, you know, we went camping together and they had twins, and they named their twins Taylor
U3
13:47
and Troy and thought that was
U1
13:49
the coolest thing. And they're like, yeah, because, you know, just ironic, you know, downriver, you know, we're Troy, they're cities named Taylor and
U3
13:55
Troy. So when it came to pick a names with my wife, I
U1
14:00
spent a good two miles throwing at them the most ridiculous names that she was like, absolutely
U3
14:05
no, can't do. It was like, all right. And
U1
14:09
then it got to the point where when I got to, you know, all the names like, oh, basically Conrad Phil again wanted to name my kid Montana. You can see him. Or thought Montana would be a cool
U3
14:23
first name was
U1
14:25
like, how about Indiana? Like Indiana Jones? And she was like, no, I'm going
U3
14:28
to murder you. So we settled on Taylor, which is funny because, you know, I grew up in, you know, around Taylor a little
U1
14:36
bit was like, oh, that's perfect. Did you do that? Or she said, no. Or does it not say, you didn't do
U2
14:40
that? I always thought it was because you went and had a great time in South Padre with a bunch of guys from Taylor. That's why I thought maybe you needed your son.
U3
14:49
Yeah, yeah, that
U2
14:51
will make. That will make my wife
U1
14:52
mad at all. I tell everyone
U3
14:54
that. That's good. 2s It's
U1
14:58
like, I don't want to get, you know, kicked out of hotels with anybody else. The second kid. She still wasn't on me about me naming the kids after
U3
15:06
cities. And I kept it. I kept pushing Trenton and Troy, you know, and and she really liked
U1
15:12
Troy. Here's the deal. I let her pick the middle names. I was like, you can pick anything you want.
U3
15:17
Don't even. I won't even are with you. And she did she she you know, she for my oldest kid. She picked it after, you know, my family.
U1
15:27
The second one, she's watching some weird movie where this vice president
U3
15:32
on the movie, she liked her name. He goes on a name. The middle name lady. I'm like, okay, cool.
U1
15:39
Like, you spell it and mean. Make it sound like.
U3
15:42
So now he's still not only named after a city, he even got his own damn street. Here's the thing. She goes, he goes, no. Want to spell it like I? And
U1
15:53
I'm like, are we those people?
U3
15:55
Like, you know. And
U1
15:57
so I called him for years. I call them and train man didn't give him nicknames
U3
16:02
and cowboy Troy all this stuff. And
U1
16:05
I was like, looking back, I'm
U3
16:06
like, wish I would have just spelled
U1
16:07
it, you know, any street,
U3
16:09
right?
U1
16:10
Oh, man. Yeah, yeah. So the third kid ish, once she found out about the city in my plan,
U3
16:18
she was single. She was just
U2
16:20
his third kid. Names could be thrown. It's got all T's, man. To be easy. The problem is, I was like, I was worried about what if. Had a girl got a name? Girl after city, Michigan. Oh, you know, either way, yeah. Ann Arbor don't know. Um, so Traverse City.
U3
16:38
The weird
U1
16:38
girl's name traverse in the middle named city. Okay. In which your daughter.
U3
16:45
Yeah.
U1
16:45
I don't know if
U3
16:46
it's by the river.
U1
16:49
No, man. She. So she got to pick. She got a big first name. Got the middle name. I'm
U3
16:54
like, okay. She goes
U1
16:55
again. She watched some movie. She liked some actor.
U3
16:58
She goes a while. I'm named Brody, which was actually I'm very happy with people are like, why didn't she
U1
17:04
name her kid starting with a T? I thought we had to keep it themed. I'm like, Nala,
U3
17:08
don't the most slack
U1
17:10
regardless from her family. I don't know if you know this
U3
17:12
about me, but her
U1
17:13
dad's name is Jesse.
U3
17:15
Her grandpa's name is Jess. Her great grandfather's name is Jessie.
U1
17:19
Guess how many generations it
U3
17:20
goes back? Ten. Yeah, like six. Ten.
U2
17:23
Well, actually, that was going to be one of my questions here. How come you didn't go, junior? But I did not know all those Jesse's were in the family.
U3
17:31
Yeah. So is it weird? So when I tell people she was stalking me, the first Jesse she met,
U1
17:38
she married? Uh, I don't know. He was kind of weird anyways, so. But her dad had two
U3
17:45
sons, and he didn't name any of
U1
17:47
his kids. Jesse. So we're like, well, that's his fault.
U3
17:51
We're off the hook. Okay? I hate to tell people and convince them how humble I am and not a narcissist.
U1
17:58
I fight these battles every day, and I think naming your kids after yourself,
U3
18:04
I don't know, seems kind of narcissist, but it's even worse. Who's naming them? Those weird, those weird ass names, man. Oh, she she teaches, man, and she sees it every day. She'll have three kids with the same names and it's like, all spelled it. Yeah, I don't
U2
18:19
know. Everyone was like, want to try and add their own unique twist to it?
U1
18:23
I guess if you had a kid, if you had a kid
U3
18:25
today, well, like another name, dude, I
U2
18:29
don't know because that that road
U3
18:31
is closed, so
U2
18:33
don't even put thought into it. Yeah, but this is the what if game. The water where
U1
18:37
in reality doesn't matter.
U2
18:39
Well, what if we acted like you didn't ask this question?
U1
18:46
All right. Okay. Thank you. Chang. The audience really loves stuff
U3
18:51
like that. Well, I'm actually targeting questions
U2
18:55
to do what? Don't know, but we 1s have no idea. Dude, I'm not a girl. I'm not. I don't dream about names of kids.
U3
19:04
I.
U1
19:05
I'm going to tell you right now.
U3
19:08
Have another one there. Now
U2
19:09
you just put it on the universe. You better. You better hope that whole game is strong now, boy. All right, so let's do
U1
19:17
this. We don't have to worry about
U2
19:19
all that stuff. Why? What? What is it? Come on. So you got us all are all
U1
19:25
waiting. No, no, we're just on my answer. I want to hear yours. I'll let you. I'll let you think about it by the exit and I'll look. They had a chit chat. Even two hours,
U3
19:34
you 2s know,
U1
19:36
from an answer
U3
19:37
sheet. No. Oh my gosh. Stop! Oh my gosh. All right. Let's talk about
U1
19:44
let's talk about this man.
U3
19:46
You know Decker
U1
19:47
dads we got we had to make different
U3
19:49
adjustments. Once we have the kids the rules change. We can't be the same people we used to be. Well
U2
19:56
hold on. So what's so you only. Did you watch one, two or. I know you were on the phone for one of your child. What about the other two?
U3
20:04
All right. Let's. Oh my gosh. Wait. That time machine.
U1
20:08
Okay, so life in the military. My first kid was born,
U3
20:12
and I
U1
20:14
had to listen to it
U3
20:15
over the phone. So we're gonna go in the day, 1999, you know, big time summer Star Wars prequels. You
U1
20:24
know, frosted hair tips. Britney Spears is huge
U3
20:27
boy band writer. Yeah. What? When do these bands just bands? Why did Man Dance become boybands anyways?
U1
20:34
So we get to
U3
20:37
she
U1
20:37
actually would say Texas. She was staying with her mom in Indiana. Oh, pregnancy. And she came down to visit me and saw her since, you know, pretty much we got married and seen her month seven and I'm like, oh
U3
20:49
my gosh, I'm like, what is going on? I'm like, wasn't used to that. I was like, I was like, how do you walk? I'm like, are
U1
20:55
you in pain? You know, she's like, she's
U3
20:58
pregnant, right? So she
U1
21:00
it was it was the weekend she went
U3
21:01
back, you know. And then
U1
21:03
what? Later, two months later, you
U3
21:04
know, she had the baby.
U2
21:06
And I'm listening to this.
U1
21:07
She calls me. It's a Friday night. I'd get basically out of training,
U3
21:11
and they put us up on base
U1
21:14
buildings like hotel.
U3
21:15
But we had, you know, was a low ranking guy. We had a
U1
21:17
roommate, his name was Lancelot. And you get pissed off if I call him Lance, he goes, my name's Lancelot. I'm like,
U3
21:23
he's a peach. Oh, everyone around the the
U1
21:27
dorms, they're call him the Raging
U3
21:29
Bull cause he's just this massive, raging alcoholic.
U1
21:32
And once he had, like, ideas, he was like Frank the tank. And he's just one. And, like, flipping over, uh, like picnic
U2
21:39
tables on the walls. I thought he was turning the King Arthur or the name. Yeah. Do you want Lancelot?
U1
21:47
Oh, man. Ain't thought of this guy. That's
U2
21:50
crazy. Did he request to be called Sir Lancelot? I mean, he tried. That was his first name. Really? It's first. I'm not even
U1
21:58
saying we don't do last names here. So I'm going to say his last name, because after we do this story, I'm going
U3
22:02
to look up and gonna do
U1
22:04
some Facebook stock. Want to see her find this guy.
U3
22:06
So I
U1
22:07
mean, we we try to avoid the bars and then we pretend we don't know each other. The bars please. He's wearing, like, the red and and the tiger
U3
22:14
shirts, you know, and stuff that look like hotel
U2
22:17
paintings. It's just like, don't know, man. Drinks too. So he he goes
U3
22:22
down, he buys he he had a Nintendo 64. It's like, oh, I'm just gonna
U1
22:25
game here. Play. I'm going to play Star Wars all night in a part of 24 Pac Man star drink. And we're going to celebrate a kid in born. It's like, okay, didn't drink anything. And so I'm listing the whole thing, you know, birth and stuff over the phone. And then
U3
22:42
finally, you know, it's
U1
22:44
just like, cool. And then, you know, I hang up and I call my mom, I'm like, hey, it's boy healthy. It's awesome.
U3
22:49
And I look over
U1
22:50
and this dude who drank all 24 beers in a good, you know, six hours, it's like midnight. So this like how long it's been going on in the labor
U3
22:59
and stuff. And
U2
23:00
I'm like, I was like, dang, slab, man. I'm like, you okay?
U3
23:03
Yeah, that goes on with
U1
23:05
your cigar. And he stumbles over his bed, passed out. Some talk in my mom. I'm like, yeah,
U3
23:10
this is what I heard. And you know, she's
U1
23:13
doing great in hospital. She's
U3
23:14
with her. You know, my wife's with her mom. And I look over it and he gets up and he starts walking in the bathroom is
U1
23:21
lying on
U3
23:22
his bed. So
U2
23:24
I'm on the first floor and our doors open, you know, and almost always a while back. That's good, you know,
U1
23:30
welcome to parenthood. And they're like, hey,
U2
23:33
what's with Raging Bull?
U1
23:34
And I'm like, I'm telling my mom on the phone, I'm like, dude, my roommate just straight pissed
U3
23:39
as well. I'm like, don't know, what should I do? She acknowledged. It's like it comes out of the shower or the bathroom and shit. She's not God. He's wearing whitey. Tiny's soaking wet like he never took them off in the shower.
U1
23:54
Well, straight onto the bed
U3
23:55
and just back out right in the
U1
23:57
giant piss pile on the bed and himself up in the blankets. I'm like, my door is open. I'm like.
U3
24:04
I'm like, cannot believe what's happening. So of course, the next day I'm telling everybody all about it. Like,
U1
24:10
this guy's an intervention, man. And this
U3
24:12
guy just straight peed the bed and then passed out back in the bed.
U1
24:16
I'm like, he knows why you went
U3
24:17
to the shop, but, you know, and
U1
24:21
Lancelot wanted to fight me. So they get you a new roommate. Wait
U2
24:24
till he this,
U3
24:26
like, think, think it'll be
U1
24:28
all right. He's. Call me a liar, man. I'm not making
U2
24:31
it up, man. My buddies came in and
U1
24:32
saw it, so I got a new roommate.
U3
24:34
Another guy named Jimmy. Oh, unfortunately. God, that was
U1
24:38
crazy. Summer. So here, he's probably the guy. He's probably Jimmy even selling those Christmas cards to. Yeah, yours is still in the mail. Well, that poor guy was getting divorced that summer in uranium, and he's got married having a
U3
24:50
baby. Oh, my gosh, that's another story.
U2
24:52
Yeah, the second one, the second one was in there in person.
U3
24:55
It was good, man. My hands all nervous, trying to cut up the you know
U2
25:00
how go forward with your life experiences. How where does that rank watching your child
U3
25:06
be born to you. Well, for
U1
25:08
the audience, I'm going to have to
U3
25:09
say the
U1
25:11
first one I didn't watch. So I know I just said, I'm just saying this
U2
25:17
one. Watch it. Just watch you.
U3
25:21
Are
U1
25:21
a real talk, man. It's
U3
25:23
gross as hell. Yeah, I don't know
U1
25:25
what you're telling me. Later. Oh, it's such a beautiful moment. It's traumatic for me to see my wife in that much pain. I'm scared to death for her. She's not comfortable. You know, there's a lot of things. I didn't know I was going to see, like. Like a lot of ladies. Like they poop right there in the bed. Well, yeah. You know
U2
25:43
that? That's gross. Yeah, I seen it. And then you want to come out there. So beautiful. The beauty of life.
U1
25:49
What's beautiful is bringing your kid home. And he. That's my most memorable
U3
25:54
moment. Me trying to,
U1
25:55
like, cut the umbilical
U3
25:57
cord. Like he was very
U1
25:59
curious. Like my wife's
U2
26:01
wall. Kind of as a surreal moment
U1
26:03
with you. It is my my, my. The second one. My wife's water broke. I'm not ashamed to say this, but I was like, she had to get changed out of her clothes
U3
26:10
and she had to go get the
U1
26:13
gown on and, you know, get ready.
U3
26:14
Had a baby, right?
U1
26:16
I smelled I smelled her pants
U3
26:18
and underwear was like the only break
U1
26:20
water once, right? Want to know what that is like?
U2
26:23
It turns out you're gonna. Dude, you're gonna
U3
26:26
make bad the Belles. Don't don't. 1s That's. It's like what? I know that, but here's what she
U2
26:37
did. Didn't make it. Okay, let's.
U3
26:41
Just next time, why not just ask for a glass? And when her water break, it's just you sick 2s like. That's gross. I have analogize it. You guys made it to the third episode. I apologize for that. Yeah, my. Because
U1
26:57
I almost puked. Please don't be. Had coffee right now. I'm just like, yeah, don't that with Jimmy and Jesse. But like about the
U3
27:07
burger
U2
27:08
anyways, so. So in that background, I could just picture what's that smell? And you're like, can't you smell that smell? It's like she's my
U1
27:19
wife. Is that the only one that should be going
U3
27:21
through that much pain? I said, not doing it. You know, the
U2
27:26
third kid wouldn't call that pain. I'd call that trying to kill myself.
U3
27:30
All right. The third
U1
27:31
kid was Dicker, so that one didn't smell shit. I'm like, now, we did
U3
27:34
learn that lesson. Oh,
U2
27:36
yeah? You want one? Don't want to know. You know what the thing
U1
27:40
was? All three kids were born on Fridays, and that's where they are dedicated to ruining my weekend. So the
U3
27:45
third one was Friday as well. Kids
U1
27:47
are at school. I was like, okay, go to school.
U3
27:50
Cool. You know, we take Joan in and
U1
27:53
she's the doctor's like, hey, she's like, all right, man, three
U3
27:57
kids is enough. Once
U1
27:58
you get in there and watch close up shot. Don't know.
U3
28:01
Oh, she was getting
U2
28:02
secret and he asked her. She asked for some extra stitch because she was having applications
U1
28:08
and stuff, and they're like, all right, we're going to do this emergency, this emergency center of it. She goes, well, you're in there. I need you to just close up
U3
28:16
the. The too
U1
28:17
close for business. Three kids are in, 30 is
U3
28:20
good and I kid you not, they they knock her out. This doctor comes back out to me and he goes, all
U1
28:25
right, Mr. Jesse,
U3
28:28
you
U1
28:29
she's knocked out right now. We're getting ready to deliver.
U3
28:31
But let's have the talk. Are you sure you want me to, you know, tire tubes up and and close up. That shot. No more babies. And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? You're coming to ask me
U2
28:42
was like, I'll tell you what,
U1
28:43
doctor, because I've been with my wife very long time at this
U3
28:46
point. You know, if she
U1
28:48
wakes up is she finds out you didn't take care of business. Based on my recommendation, I
U3
28:53
was like, I don't know. She's coming home with me, man. I'm like, you better. Absolutely do everything she says. He goes,
U1
29:01
oh, that's right. Answer. We just want to make sure there's no, you know, disagreement between husband and wife. Sounds like
U2
29:07
it's only about, well, you kidding me with this?
U3
29:10
Like he's only blind her and that you,
U2
29:15
uh, she had already there.
U1
29:17
No, that's the spirit question,
U3
29:18
so. Oh, man. Listen, okay. To respect our viewers, time
U1
29:23
will tell one story on
U3
29:25
how we found out
U2
29:26
she was. Got another time for another Jesse's
U3
29:28
story. Yeah, yeah. Think we. Yes. We have. So there's a very large age group between my two older kids. My youngest kid. My girl. Right.
U1
29:37
So we're in Germany and I've just gotten back from, uh, just gotten back from a deployment. And, you know, my wife, she wasn't taking any, like, birth control or anything like that because I was deployed, you know, it was out
U3
29:53
to, you know, flying around Iraq
U1
29:55
like that's come on two months early. Yeah.
U3
29:59
Yeah, I know what you did there. Your daughter, who I was talking to Lucy,
U1
30:03
man. Like. No, no, you
U2
30:04
you were just. You were just making sure the postman.
U1
30:09
What I did. What I didn't know, I didn't know she
U3
30:11
was kind an offer.
U1
30:13
Right. You know, or birth control. But. So we go on vacation and, you know, we're in
U3
30:19
London because, you
U1
30:20
know, my vacation this point we
U3
30:22
do it and but
U1
30:23
she she's she's walk around London dressed for fashion. I'm dressed like
U3
30:27
daddy, you know, a sweat and you
U2
30:29
know, here on the back.
U1
30:31
Yeah. Well yeah they were I don't know man. They were like ten and a
U3
30:36
you know, didn't carry them. They, you know, but they get in everything run running
U1
30:40
away from me like, hey everyone's on the wrong side of the road. And
U2
30:43
she chips and they.
U1
30:44
So we get back to and I clicked on I was like, I can
U2
30:48
make is it made Australia.
U3
30:50
No. Our good beat,
U1
30:53
but all accents are the same. So pick a country. That's horrible. So we get back to. We're living in Germany and my parents are visiting us,
U3
31:02
and we
U1
31:03
had all these we had all these pregnancy tests like in my house because believe
U3
31:07
it or not, all
U1
31:09
these lieutenants that were come party with us. I didn't know this, but ladies rotated pregnancy tests
U3
31:15
before a night of drinking, but there was
U1
31:18
some impacts in two. So I had this like a sort of pregnancy test, like all over my bathroom
U3
31:23
to make sure they weren't drugged or something, not to make sure they weren't credited before they we journey. Everyone trades
U2
31:30
fan. It's nuts. They're all about it.
U3
31:32
So it was. That's
U1
31:34
a long answer to why we had all these pregnancy tests, you know
U2
31:37
in her bedroom. And she goes in, you know, I kept teasing him like he's walking around like she's pregnant. She's in that mood, you know, was eating the funny stuff.
U3
31:45
And she goes, I'm
U1
31:46
gonna go in there and take a test just to, you know, she don't talk shit, you know,
U3
31:50
prove me wrong. Right? It's funny. And and
U1
31:53
I look over my parents, I'm like, listen, man, when
U3
31:55
she comes out, she's gonna say she's pregnant. Just go with it. It's going to be hilarious. Well she did. She came outside and, 1s um. Very. She
U1
32:09
is full of tears and and she's like, oh, partnered up again. I'm like, and all I keep thinking is like, oh my God, man, she's really selling it. My parents, so I'm happy. She said again. This time I'm not peeing all over my
U3
32:24
bathroom, you know? I'm like, I'm ready for this. My oldest,
U1
32:28
my oldest son, he comes,
U3
32:29
yell at me. What
U1
32:31
did you do to mom? I was like, oh, remember that day you and your brother spent the
U3
32:35
night at your friend's house? I had two shimmies and I stayed up watching the the Red wings lose in finals because time difference turned white
U1
32:44
and they're like, huh? I was like, and the moon in the stars aligned in the planets and
U3
32:49
all that stuff. And they're
U1
32:51
like, is that? Oh
U3
32:52
yes. So
U1
32:54
my youngest son at the time thought he was like, oh, sweet, I'm not going to be the youngest. I'm to have a baby sister. You
U3
33:00
are my parents. They were
U1
33:02
they were mortified. They didn't know if they were allowed to celebrate because I was happy or be mad at me because Johnny was mad at me. Oh, it's. It's so weird. So we call that kid 1s the shame baby. Roadie is like a two bottles,
U3
33:18
a shame. And the funny thing is, Johnny was on Myspace back then and Facebook was brand new to me.
U1
33:25
Actually posted on Facebook that night was like, oops, may have impregnated my wife. I guess time will tell. Oh man. Readily sucked. You know, honey, it's like hammer. So every year the Facebook memories, it pops up
U3
33:40
when you don't
U1
33:40
see my page. I tagged on social media. Then the minute incriminated you because you know, oh, guys, we don't know how Facebook works. And every year it's a tradition. And that shit's coming up in June. And without the posting again, it's one year you're 14.
U3
33:57
So anyways,
U2
34:00
my wife, she'll
U1
34:01
tell you that I'm making all this shit
U3
34:03
up. She said that she
U1
34:05
she was awake when she during the cesarean. She was never knocked out
U3
34:08
or anything. And she
U1
34:10
did like sign a waiver stuff to get her to side.
U3
34:13
But that's
U1
34:14
true. But I'm telling you,
U3
34:16
that doctor came out
U1
34:17
and he's like, are you
U3
34:18
sure won't do it? And I'm like, oh hell
U1
34:21
no. The thing was, before we found out she was
U3
34:24
pregnant, I was scheduled for a consultation
U1
34:28
to get myself taken care of. And in the military, you have to be married over ten years. You have to be over
U3
34:34
30. You have a bunch of kids already. And I checked all the boxes. So I only schedule, you know, to go and
U1
34:40
get my stuff snipped, but then, you know, deploy. And I'm like, get to when I get back. And then, you know, I got back in, my boys can swim like and I
U3
34:49
say, yeah.
U2
34:51
And again got to pass the goalie. Guess the rest of the 30s for me mean my goal pretty fast. I'm not that big of a storyteller like Jesse. Like he he starts telling the story and that one story turns into three mini stories. But one, at least one of those many stories turned into another, totally different story that we got to cover in the later podcast. But, you know, it takes up space and we enjoy other stories. We wait till we get to the next. I'll
U1
35:22
wait till we get to see you tomorrow
U3
35:23
while we wait wait wait wait, wait till we actually get to the part to where we are dads together, having the same problems with different outlets. That's the purpose of where we want to drive this. But. We want to just give everybody a little hey, life lesson on our different paths. His 20. Yeah. Well. Right. Pretty much my 30s. Like he
U2
35:49
did all the adult things from 21 on till the now. And you know, he's driving. He's driving and he, uh, surviving. There you go. See, I would say my 40s are
U1
36:01
like your 20s now.
U2
36:03
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm enjoying life, don't get me wrong. But he's like, part of this, uh, like a make
U3
36:12
believe fantasy
U2
36:14
neighborhood. It's crazy the things I do. It's awesome. My neighbors around us, they blow, they all suck.
U1
36:20
Yeah, it was crazy. I'm with the homeowners for coffee. You know, the day I got a call Friday morning, dad's club for coffee. And then we did Cinco de Mayo
U3
36:29
last night, which should be
U1
36:31
renamed The Holiday. It's just a holiday to really ruin top shelf tequila
U3
36:37
with sugar water. Um, of course I didn't
U1
36:40
drink or anything. I will say.
U3
36:43
You know what, though? You're right. These first three episodes, we're just learning. Like,
U1
36:48
let's see the technology. This has been hilarious. Well, I
U3
36:51
figure this once he gets to figure it out, he's going to pass that knowledge on to me so I can help out with some of this. If if my old ass computer can do that, that type
U2
37:01
of shit. Don't know yet. Existing algorithm. Now it's all but, uh, yeah, I would
U3
37:07
say I was scared. I was scared to have kids. I'll tell all the dads out there and probably relate the scary as
U1
37:12
hell they'll smell your wife's
U3
37:14
pants.
U2
37:16
Please don't say anything over your wife.
U3
37:18
That's just that's there's a lot of new rules, like life changes, like, you know, to get rid of my my,
U1
37:25
my bad ass Eagle Talon had to get a Ford Contour because I could fit the car seat in it. Life adjustments
U3
37:31
when you go out to the
U1
37:32
bars. Essentially my old 20s
U3
37:34
would have to. Basically, I would play video games at home and rock my kid in his seat with my foot, like in multitask, you know?
U1
37:42
That's how it works. I'll tell you what, man. The next episode, let's talk about single versus married. We start talking about, I don't know, logistics.
U2
37:52
You know, life's on to life's responsibility. I
U3
37:55
mean, just your
U1
37:57
dial versus mine. Tie it.
U3
37:59
Uh oh, my
U1
38:01
gosh, I could say I would love to
U3
38:03
talk about you. Like
U1
38:04
dating things because my son, my oldest son, came
U3
38:07
over earlier and
U1
38:09
he never tells me about his dates, which means he really likes this girl,
U3
38:13
I think, and gives out the 4 a.m. at some
U1
38:17
clubs, some some EDM. 1s These guys
U3
38:22
don't on the Saint Louis like
U1
38:24
see, especially in this world famous. This guy's
U3
38:26
name was San.
U1
38:28
Hello. And I was like, oh yeah, I like his TikTok
U3
38:30
videos. So he
U1
38:31
he took this girl out there and I'm like, that's a horrible idea for first date. Like, you can't even talk
U3
38:37
out their
U1
38:38
club music.
U3
38:39
I don't know what. Anyways,
U2
38:40
maybe he wasn't there to talk.
U1
38:43
You know, I think he's. I think I'm hoping, I don't know, I'm hoping he's to the point where he's ready to. Man. Well, Jesse,
U3
38:51
you're right. 1000
U1
38:55
right now, would you? Would you like your son to get married as young as you did? Or. And you. Would you live with that? Yeah. Well, all
U3
39:02
along. Every single one. And you know what? It's not fashionable right now. The cool thing is to be single for, you know, ever. And, you know, you watch these, these sitcoms, you know, like friends or
U1
39:15
don't know how I met Your Mother and you're like, no, I'm just gonna date the world. And and I'm going to
U3
39:19
tell you is,
U1
39:21
I know probably previous episodes sound like a really bad
U3
39:24
husband. 3s But I don't like
U2
39:29
getting out or anybody out here
U3
39:31
saying that when you the
U1
39:33
ladies probably when you get married so young and you grow together and there's nothing.
U3
39:40
Oh, I won't live like that. My best friend, my dad is like coffee with the wife, you know, get
U1
39:45
all the debrief, all this. You become like, the same person over the years and feel like the older you get, the more set in your ways you are. Because when my wife and I
U3
39:55
met, we were two different, totally. People like everything. But somehow
U1
40:01
over the years it time we just grew into that
U3
40:03
same. And that's that's part of the issue they launched in your 40s. You meet a lot of people that one have been divorced, dealt with all the bullshit. Not that I'm saying we're trying to pull bullshit on you guys, so don't put words in my mouth. Yes, I'm sure there are some out there, but that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying a lot of people, men and women, are set in their own ways this late in life, and it is tough to meet somebody that
U2
40:31
comes to this, you know a deal, man. Life decisions because you've been there, you've done that. You know what you want. You know what you don't want. You know what you're going to put up with. Well, you're not going to put up, you know, like
U3
40:44
we're getting two and death. Let's be dating.
U2
40:48
But I'll say this, but my
U1
40:49
kids, you ask me, do I want them to get married? Absolutely want grandkids.
U2
40:54
I want to be I want to be the cool ass
U3
40:56
grandpa there and still go out there and play with them,
U1
41:00
you know? Well, still Lowell, now I'm scared that the girlfriends would listen to
U3
41:05
this podcast and be like, 1s screw that shit.
U2
41:10
Well, you said it yourself. You know, nowadays people are just having into
U3
41:15
later in later life. And you
U2
41:16
know, when my obviously I'm 46, my son's 11, your youngest is
U3
41:21
30. So,
U2
41:23
you know, if my son follows my footsteps and he does every kid, he's 35,
U3
41:28
you'll be lower. We're good at
U1
41:30
math. Be staged. I don't
U2
41:31
know, really. Yeah. So, you know, if something happens, if it does.
U3
41:36
All right. Gotcha. You know what? We'll put a rap on this. What would you say? Lessons learned on this one. You know,
U1
41:44
it's fine. Robert.
U3
41:45
Let's finish this out real quick. So I got married 35 or 34, had my kid at 35. Just give her a refresher course. Now, at 39, I got a divorce. My son is
U2
41:59
four. I am 39. I'm divorced. I filed for divorce. We're not going to go into the reasons why it's not important at this point.
U3
42:08
I'm happy. Oh. My son's healthy. I have no regrets on failing or anything. And put my son first is all I'm going to say. We'll leave it at that. And so that brings you up to speed. To where? Now we're approaching our 40s. I'm divorced. He's still a dad. And now we will pretty much go through the likes and differences of how we've raised our children. So now we will go to what we've learned from this episode and how you can use it in life.
U2
42:40
Don't smell your wife's undergarments after your water just broke the bath. Hey, let's number one. Horrifying. Let's. Let's learn number one. Let's let's learn. Um, 2 million kids is hard.
U3
42:56
Yes. You know what? Let's number three. Married life ain't for everybody, man.
U1
43:00
I'll take those set list.
U2
43:02
Why? All right. Hey, I'll wait for the next step. So we're actually. Wait, wait. Life isn't
U1
43:07
bloody Mary like.
U2
43:09
Oh, Mary might want. How do I know? I have no idea. That's why I said, wait, what did you
U1
43:15
say? I'm gonna use my radio voice just like and just solve. We'll put a bonus
U3
43:22
one if you like on
U1
43:23
that. Like and subscribe. Eventually we're going to talk about parenting.
U3
43:27
Well, we had to give everybody dads stories, right? You just get a, you know, get a picture in your head. We got tons of different people out there listening and hope you join us in the future episodes. Don't judge these first couple. We're new at this, we're learning it, and eventually it's going to be just golden. And all I can say is, while listening to this podcast, you pretty much don't know what direction we're going to go. Please, please, for the safety of yourself, don't have hot coffee by your voice trying to listen to this because you
U2
44:02
spit that out. Don't want to be responsible because you're going to get it. You're going to be some bumps in this font. Why did I start going out there? Disqualified. I'll say this. All right. This is like this qualifies.
U1
44:14
Yeah. It's qualifiers. You're like, well, don't don't run with scissors if you're listening to this shit. Anyways, you know what though? Your mom's gonna
U3
44:22
like this. She
U1
44:24
likes it. You do. They're like, actually can help my mom on doing
U2
44:27
this, don't you? My mean, honestly, my masks are already massacred,
U3
44:34
and
U1
44:35
I'm just going to send her the previews. All right, I'll tell you what. You know what? You got me thinking about my parents. I'm going to. I'm going to. Let's end this because I want to call my mom right now. Make sure you see
U3
44:46
how she's doing. Uh, check out my my my dad. Uh,
U2
44:51
so until next time. Like this, like
U1
44:54
this content hit like and
U3
44:55
subscribe. Oh, God. The subs. Well,
U2
44:59
see you guys later.